What if uncertainty scares the bejesus out of me?

I'm married to an amazing man. He loves me when I'm fat and broken out. He loves me when I am depressed and anxious. He lIves me when I'm all dolled up and singing. He's awesome. This fall, after wanting nothing more to start the path to becoming a mom, I became obsessed with knowing with absolute surety that the relationship was right, that I would be a good mom, that I wouldn't somehow cause my future children autism or aids, and that I wasn't secretly gay.

How can you chose to become a parent with so many "what ifs?"

I feel a bit frozen. Like the idea of moving forward isn't possible. I want to be happy. I want to feel like I get to have the life I want. What if I don't deserve that and end up breaking my husband's heart and ruining my future children's lives in the process?

Moving forward with uncertainty seems impossible and like the only answer. How do I learn to be ok with that?

This is my mind today