So, I had a great talk with my psychiatrist about reducing dose. She wanted to know what I was thinking specifically. I told her that I wanted to reduce by 25 mg and see how I did (I'm on Zoloft, so the doses increase and decrease by that much in general). I was thinking that a little less would put my mind at ease (a little less, potentially a little less risk - though my psychiatrist did remind me that the risk is extremely low regardless). Ultimately she said that she would be ok with a small reduction in dose, if I stay in touch with her and let her know how I'm doing. She also said that it was more a way of reducing mental angst than actual risk.
Well, after a week on a slightly lower dose, I feel totally fine and stable. And, I feel strangely more at peace with the decision. I'm not freaking out at all hours of the day, and don't feel any real increase in symptoms. If symptoms increase, I will go back up. I'm really dealing with this well.
She also mentioned that she thinks part of my fear stems from the perfectionism associated with OCD. I agree. I do. I know that some of my fears have the potential of becoming obsessive if I do not take care of myself first. It is a great lesson in learning to live with uncertainty, as well as learning to take care of myself so that I can take care of the little bean growing in me. Trust is hard for me, but it is powerful.
So, I am working on some mindfulness, and working to ask myself whether the thoughts are reasonable or distorted. And, spending some time thinking about how things may just end up being good - truth is none of my serious fears have ever come true.
My first OB appointment is in a few weeks. Maybe that will make this feel less surreal.
Yes! You are so right. "Things may just end up being good!" That is the shocking alternative that those of us with OCD never seem to consider. Totally awesome that you realized that. I'm really proud of you. It is obvious from your post that you are trying very hard to fight the cognitive distortions. Hang in there, you are doing a great job.
ReplyDeleteSo glad the lower dose seems to be working well. I agree that a lot of fear can come from perfectionism. I think practicing mindfulness and taking care of yourself are good things to do. You are doing great, and there's so much for you to look forward to! I am really happy for you.
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