Well, I had a long long conversation with my psychiatrist this week. All about the SSRI I am on and wanting to try and get pregnant. She started by telling me that she has had a lot of experience helping women through their pregnancies while on various medications and that while there are no controlled trials (hard to get the approval to do them), Zoloft has a 20 year track record of really good anecdotal evidence of safety. She went on to say that she has helped women who have gone on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. She also said that in her opinion, there is no reason why I shouldn't start trying if that is what we decide. She said she would go through the entire pregnancy with me to help me through it, and she reminded me that not eating, sleeping, and constant anxiety and depression are without a doubt not healthy for a baby. No official decision yet, but I'm leaning toward just going for it. My husband has been amazingly supportive. He is unbelievable. I am incredibly lucky and grateful that I get to go through life with him. I just don't want to let OCD make this decision. OCD has ruled my decisions for far too long. I was without an SSRI from last spring until this fall, and it was so bad. Worse than I remembered it being. But, in a strange way, I am grateful for that period of hell, because it lead to an accurate diagnosis and gave me a reason why my mind cycles around obsessive thoughts the way it does, and that there is this whole community of OCD sufferers whose minds work like mine does. I'm also grateful for the support I've found in this community. I know that SSRIs and pregnancy is a really touchy subject, and I hope that I'll be supported no matter what the decision. Like many of you, I am really concerned with the possible judgment of going down that path.
In other news- I have an appointment to begin CBT! Part of me hopes that maybe with therapy I'll be able to reduce my dose a bit if I do get knocked up. But, we'll see. I'll be sure to keep you all updated on it all. I'm feeling positive.