Thursday, January 5, 2012
Responsibility
I have a really hard time saying no. I mean, a really hard time. Especially at work. I feel guilty if I haven't gone above and beyond, and frankly I'm not even sure if my interpretation of 'above and beyond' is the same as other people. Ultimately, I end up feeling overworked and cheated. I made a mini goal of setting boundaries with my boss, and it is really hard. She emails at all times of day and texts all the time. I feel bad ignoring texts and emails after work hours, but I cant think about work all the time. It is just too much. And, the stress agrivates my OCD and anxiety. I want to quit half the time, but I'm in a holding pattern while I finish the next 17 weeks of a "residency" like period. Maybe I'm just grumpy today. I get frustrated. I love what I do, but not the company I work for. There is just more stress than what is necessary to do a good job effectively. And, of course, in typing this, I'm afraid my boss might stumble onto my blog, figure out it's me, and I will have offended. I will resist the urge to scour this post for clues as to my identity.
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I have a hard time saying no at work, also. I think it's because I don't want to disappoint anyone. But I, too, end up feeling overworked and taken for granted. Then I don't want to do anything extra, which isn't good either. Difficult to strike a balance, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI too suffer from trying to achieve perfectionism in work and trying to be the hero, the one with all the answers, the one who never says no. I have learned over the past year or so that it is OK to say no or to take a step back. I hold back daily from trying to accomplish everything in one day, I have learned to leave things be until tomorrow, which has been very hard for me and my usual hard working nature. With OCD you will constantly question yourself and wonder what your coworkers or boss are thinking, but in my experience, they aren't thinking anything... We're doing all of the thinking and it's making us exhausted!
ReplyDeleteI love the last sentence of Lolly's comment:
ReplyDelete"With OCD you will constantly question yourself and wonder what your coworkers or boss are thinking, but in my experience, they aren't thinking anything... We're doing all of the thinking and it's making us exhausted!"
This sums the situation up in a nutshell.....I hope it helps you!
I do the same thing. In fact - I went on stress leave last year because of "work burn out". I am now in a much less demanding job and although I LOVE the lack of responsibility, I can't continue it forever due to the low pay. I like what you wrote about not being sure if your interpretation of above and beyond is the same as others. I am certain that my standards are FAR HIGHER than others. Something else to work on. :o)
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